I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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