Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize