and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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