I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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