I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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