I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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