you would pick up someone in the library
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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