Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize