You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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