im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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