He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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