so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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