Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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