All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
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We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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