All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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