Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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