a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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