I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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