I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
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I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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