I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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