I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, he came in my armpit
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will pee on everything he values.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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