After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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