And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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