I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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