Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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