Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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