I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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