Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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