My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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