Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
God, I missed his penis.
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