Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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