i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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