I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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