i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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