Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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