we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize