im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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