Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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