I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
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everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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