if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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