last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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