He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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