I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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