I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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