Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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