Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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