babies were throwing up all over the place
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
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I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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