happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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