I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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