Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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